A polar bear goes into a pub and says to the barman: ‘I’d like a…………………..packet of salt and vinegar crisps please.’ The barman replies, ‘sure, but why the big pause?’
A guy is driving down the motorway, knitting. Obviously this is dangerous driving as the driver has no hands on the wheel, so before long the police are catching up with him. One police car drives up alongside the offending vehicle, and motions for him to open his window. ‘Pull over!’, the policeman shouts across. ‘No-pair of socks!’
A guy tries to enter a nightclub but is stopped at the door by the bouncer who tells him that he can’t get in without wearing a necktie. The guy goes back to his car, looks around but can’t find a tie. He sees a set of jumper leads in the back so he puts them around his neck and ties a rough knot. He walks back to the nightclub. When the bouncer sees him he looks him over and says ‘OK you can go in-but don`t start anything’.